Crunch time: Out come the claws.

Although my life is currently being consumed by term project pandemonium, last night’s episode of The Bachelor was such an emotional roller coaster that I just have to get a few things off my chest.

First order of business, PREVIEWS FOR NEXT WEEK?!?! What is the ish with Andi’s dad/the Fantasy Suite?! Also, 2-part finale on Monday and Tuesday next week – time flies when you’re… watching people pretend to fall in love on TV.

(Do I need to reassess my priorities? Probably. I’ll just wait till after this season though)

nikki-shy-bachelor-w352 Of course, this leads me to Nikki, who boldly dropped the L-bomb when there were still 8 women left. Seems a little early for this kind of talk, no? Especially because I don’t see it AT ALL – Nikki definitely has her eyes on the prize, but the prize is beating 26 other women and winning a reality show contest, not a lifelong salsa dance with Juan Pabs.

I found it slightly alarming how her date consisted of meeting Juan Pablo’s daughter, parents, and baby momma. Seems a little soon. Not really sure if the daughter and ex had to meet your 1-in-8 chance of potential fiancée, hmm, Juan Pabs? The date seemed to go well enough, and even concluded with Camilla giving Nikki a Cheeto-flavoured kiss, but I can’t imagine that situation not being excruciatingly awkward, and I’m not so sure Nikki exudes authenticity and mother material.

Side note: Camilla’s mother is a babe and a half. Slightly intimidating for Nikki et al.?


The one thing that is helping with Nikki’s claim to be in love with Juan Pablo is she doesn’t exactly seem to crave the same “intellectual stimulation” as Sharleen does – which brings me to Sharleen’s exit.

Not really a shocker, as Sharleen definitely seems to be the wisest of the batch of women, and we all know when Juan Pablo’s not making out, his go-to contribution to any conversation is, “I like it.”

Riveting. Tell me more.

I’d also like to point out the recurring role of Renee here as Bachelor Counselor, SHE IS ALWAYS LISTENING TO EVERYONE’S PROBLEMS. Literally no one else listens but her. Such a mom.

Anyway, hope you find the man you’re looking for, Sharleen, and hope you like kissing him as much as you did Juan Pablo!


nikkivsclare-1390958374Finally, I can’t leave without discussing the catfight and awkward silence that took place between a jealous Clare and an arrogant Nikki. This is reality TV at its finest, I seriously think these two should audition for Real World or some sort of blonde edition of Jersey Shore. The two snap back and forth at each other, mostly just cutting each other off and then getting mad at each other for interrupting. Classic catfight.

After some endearing parting remarks (Clare: “You’re a piece of work, Nikki”; Nikki: “You’re f—ing crazy”), we get to hear Nikki’s perspective of the situation:

“Clare is like a dog. She peed on him first. She claimed her territory. And the fact is, she claimed some territory that might not be hers.”

PS Here’s a good display of the Crazy Clare eyes I’ve mentioned in previous posts:

crazy clare Right?

Anyway, let’s just say it’s a good thing group dates are a thing of the past and it’s onto hometowns and fantasy suites from here on out.

Either way, Juan Pabs, seems like you’ve got yourself a win-win with these ladies! Good luck buddy!


“The waves were wild but we were wild too” – spoken too soon?

Dear Camila,

Tonight your daddy went for a nice swim in the ocean with his friend Clare. They were just playing a game of Marco Polo and looking for fishies at a time that was way waaayyyy past your bedtime. Also, even though you might think your daddy is kissing a lot (a LOT) of women, remember that he is just being polite. These are all normal things that adults do, but you won’t have to worry about them. Ever. In your life.

Now, what channel is Dora the Explorer on?


Dear Juan Pablo,

Now I’m no expert at dating 11 people at once, but let’s just take this lemon of an episode and make some lemonade with the following advice:

Do not indulge in “pure bliss in every way” (quote: Clare) while frolicking in the ocean with a woman one night, and then follow up by telling her you regret said frolicking, because you don’t want to set a bad example for your daughter. As if it was all Clare’s fault.

Your Latino dance moves suggest that you’re familiar with the expression, “it takes two to tango.” Whether this tangoing is on land or in water, clothed or unclothed, Clare wasn’t playing Marco Polo by herself! Get it together, Juan Pabs!


Dear Clare,


Hakuna matata, girl!



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