This week’s episode of The Bachelor has prompted me to consult an extremely relevant tool in helping Juan Pabs make the final decision on the woman he wants to marry. He’s down to 6 girls now and it’s important to look at each one of them very carefully, in terms of the:
Hot Crazy Scale
The Hot Crazy Scale, as defined by Barney Stinson in CBS’ hit show How I Met Your Mother, is described by the following video clip.
Basically, a girl is allowed to be crazy, as long as she is equally as hot. I will now analyze the remaining Bachelor contestants based on this extremely reliable dating tool. It is my humble, nonjudgemental opinion that the final 6 women pining after Juan Pablo’s heart belong in the following arrangement on the Hot Crazy Scale:
The clear choice for Juan Pablo, based on the Hot Crazy Scale, is Andi. I have zero concern about Andi going off like a crazy person. Yes, she has her concerns and her ups and downs, but this is only natural when your potential future husband is dating other women in double-digit numbers. She has a level head, an easygoing and fun attitude, and has not set off any warning signals of craziness. She is also clearly a babe.
Sharleen’s position on the Hot Crazy Scale is debatable. My personal opinion is that she is a gorgeous and classy woman (who just happens to be Canadian – represent) but I wouldn’t fall off my couch in shock if she pulled any crazy moves this season. What I mean is, if there was a Bachelor-themed casino out there, I would place a bet that Sharleen can’t handle the weirdness of the situation anymore and peaces out on her own terms. All season long, she seems to be dealing with an internal struggle on whether she likes Juan Pabs or not, and this is fair enough! I do appreciate her realistic, down-to-earth mindset. However, she shed more than a couple tears because her friend Kat didn’t get a rose tonight, and this hints a bit of crazy to me. Just sayin’.
Renee: the mom of the house. The one every woman goes to for advice, to vent, or for simply a shoulder to cry on. Renee’s heart is definitely in the right place, but unfortunately I think this place equates to a Stage 5 Clinger (a whole new scale, that I won’t get into here) for Juan Pabs. Renee pulls the moves of every classic Bachelor contestant, including pining for weeks for that “first kiss,” being head over heels with the guy before she’s even gotten a first date, and wearing rose-coloured glasses for everything Juan Pabs-related. This type of head-in-the-clouds behaviour could definitely end up tipping Renee into the crazy zone.
Oh, young sweet Chelsie. Teetering on the line of hot and crazy. If Chels has shown any signs of craziness, I would definitely attribute it to her age. She is a young 24 and seems to have her heart set on getting married via this show. Speaking as a fellow 24 year old, I can emphasize that there is NO RUSH HERE and I think Chels should just relax and enjoy her early twenties while she can. Whether this sense of immaturity could lead to crazy, only time will tell!
With Nikki, it may be easy to confuse “crazy” with “negativity” but for now she remains just above the crazy line. Her reluctance to participate in seemingly “fun” events such as dancing in a K Pop performance and repelling into the cave in Vietnam raise the suspicion that this girl could be slightly high maintenance and pouty when things don’t go her way. I’ll just leave you with this photo to explain her presence at the top of the Hot axis.
This brings us to Clare. Juan Pablo definitely seems to like her, based on his attention span on the group dates, their 4 a.m. dip in the ocean, and the fact that she was the first woman to be invited on a second one-on-one date. The question is, IS CLARE HOT ENOUGH TO EXCUSE HER CRAZY? I’m standing by my earlier post that she is guilty of crazy eyes, and there’s something about that one eyebrow raise and her winking at the camera that would make me run the other way if I was Juan Pabs. Something about this girl is a ticking time bomb – we haven’t seen it yet, mainly because Juan Pablo has been giving her the attention she wants, but I’ve witnessed enough Bachelor contestants go crazy during or after this show to know that Clare is in the “crazy” category.
But let’s keep in mind Juan Pablo is a dangerous combination of hot and crazy himself. You’ve seen his dance moves. You know what I’m talking about.
Obviously these are all the harmless and subjective opinions of a reality TV blogger with way too many opinions about this show, but there you have it – The Bachelor Final 6 Hot Crazy Scale! Let’s all hope some more crazy comes out next week, because let’s face it, crazy makes good TV!