Episode 2 – featuring a special guest appearance by Alcohol

I think the Bachelor producers may be rethinking their open bar strategy after this week’s episode.

24 year old Brazilian firecracker Victoria steals the show with her one-liners such as

  • “I didn’t even have one glass [of champagne]”
  •  “Life is all about straddling people… and things…”
  •  “Juan Pablooooo.. hot tuuuubb.”

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She may have not had one glass of champagne, but perhaps she had one bottle?  Victoria promptly switches gears when she breaks down hysterically, yelling at the film crew and hiding in the washroom while she professes her hate for poor Juan Pabs. Who obviously did nothing to deserve this. I’d bet Camilla hasn’t even thrown any tantrums yet that could prepare him for this disaster.

So maybe Victoria isn’t the ideal candidate for stepmother of Camilla – however, I’ve got to give it to her. She has the drunk girl waddle down to a T. She apologizes to Juan Pablo the next day and probably has no idea how she was acting, but the beauty of reality TV is she will find out soon enough!

68762990-5f78-0131-a5b7-22889cbd7457Other than Victoria’s antics, viewers may have been slightly thrown off by the professional “Free Spirit” Lucy, who spends the majority of the episode without clothes because it makes her feel “closer to nature.”  Though this may seem like a cry for attention, that’s what censorship is for and the girl seems to be having a good time. No harm done, right folks?!

I’ve still got my money on this season’s villain being Sharleen, who has one of those faces that just naturally looks ticked off no matter what. She doesn’t go on a date this episode but seems to have realized she came across as ungrateful when accepting the “first impression rose,” so there might be hope for her yet. Who knows, maybe next episode we’ll even get to see her smile. Fingers crossed.

Oh, can we just take a moment to reflect on the awkwardness of every Bachelor episode that features a private concert on a one-on-one date starring some singer that no one would ever recognize? The couple runs over to the concert and is so excited because they “can’t believe Josh Krajick is here!”x-factor-josh-krajcik

Like you had any idea who Josh Krajick is. (Except if you’re me, who actually recognized him from season one of The X Factor USA – how embarrassing – but that’s a rare case).

So far I’d steer Juan Pabs into the open and waiting arms of Andi, the gorgeous and seemingly witty enough prosecutor; Kat, who got a one-on-one this week and likes to dance on stages with neon glow sticks so is obviously a stand-up human being; and an honorable mention to Lucy because she seems to love life and so do I. I should mention here that I have not seen any spoilers because no self-respecting reality TV junkie would EVER EVER DO THAT TO THEMSELF. EVER.

I will now leave you with this amazing video clip as I go to create a petition for it to be mandatory for a Bachelor contestant to bring her dog to every season from now on.

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